Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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