I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
