do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
