dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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