I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
