OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
