Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
