When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
