God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
