I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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