My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
