I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
