So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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