ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
