kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
