I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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