As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
