I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I will be naked everywhere
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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