I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
