i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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