So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
