But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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