My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
