His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
