ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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