glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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