Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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