Screwed.edu
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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