That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
