so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she told me i tasted like america
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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