there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
