It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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