Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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