Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
