Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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