I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
