I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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