You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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