thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
