You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
