Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
