Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
