so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
How does one acquire holy water?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
