guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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