he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
