i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
