Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
