when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
