He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
