Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
