hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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