What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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