I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
