college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
