Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
