Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
