so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
