smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my vag is so smooth its legendary
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
