I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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