Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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