Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
