I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
