Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
