so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
