i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
