My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
