Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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