He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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