need another drink. this is the easiest way
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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