can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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