Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
