she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
