I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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