I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
