no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
