dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
