I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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