Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
