the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
