I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
