my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
