It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize