Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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